A new year calls for new beginnings. But first, some reflection time. Break this year has been AMAZING. This is due partially to my not being anti-social and lazy so I actually had a lot of fun [: Yesterday Jon, Cindy, and I went to go visit Gina, who's at home with Vertigo. Bad things always seem to happen to her when she deserves a break ): So she's stuck at home feeling dizzy and watching ridiculous amounts of TV because she can't drive and her friends and family left her to go party. I'm glad I went because it seemed to brighten her day.

I'm starting to do this introspection thing at night, which is surprisingly fun. I've realized that the nighttime is the best time to think and I always seem to come up with strange questions at night. I've also realized that the internet doesn't have the answer to everything. Shocking...so instead, I have to come up with answers to these questions. Last night, I thought a lot about friends. Not particular friends. Just my general group. And I realized that I want more friends like Gina, who is very chill about life in general and isn't afraid to do ridiculous things. (She drove to Sheetz and sat in her car blasting an airhorn because she was bored and Sheetz always has annoying customers) I want to reflect on high school and have memories like that. I've realized that I'm restricted mostly because my parents are restrictive and I don't want to disappoint them so I tag along with them whenever they go to Asian parties and the like because it makes them happy that I'm there. I go even though I know that it will be boring. I've also realized that Cindy is my motivation to do any ounce of work. Seeing her do homework makes me panic for the fear of lagging behind so I do work too. However, this will be a major problem in college where I will have the choice of either doing work or doing something fun. This year, I've learned to appreciate human interaction more than academic pursuits. And I'm really glad I did. Hopefully at college I'll find friends who will constantly challenge me socially and academically.

Over the past decade, I've experienced stark opposite lives. I've lived in an apartment in the South with little financially and have experienced miracles and inspirational actions. I've lived in a nice house in the North with more than enough financially and have had the opportunity to give back to the community what it has bestowed upon me and my family. And more importantly, I've met life-changing, inspirational individuals who never fail to be there for me despite my flaws. It is these individuals who make life worth living, and I declare the next decade as my quest to find these people. Call me selfish, but I want to meet them so that I can be just like them.

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I know I posted earlier today, but I'm really excited to make this post [: First, I want to talk about colleges because it seems to come up a lot with the Juniors, and I want to put my two cents in. I've talked to a lot of Juniors who are picking schools based on the rank and the prestige. Yes, going to an ivy league will probably give you a higher chance of finding a job upon graduation, but as earth-shattering as this may be: going to HYP+Stanford+MIT might not be the best choice. Okay, so a piece of advice that most of you probably won't take, but I'm going to share something with you. Lately I've been talking to a lot of Penn kids, and I've noticed one thing: every single one of them has been wanting to go to Penn for years and has a passion for the school. Nothing can replace that passion. You can be the most intelligent student with amazing resume+recommendations+SAT scores but you will hate the next four years at a school you're not passionate about. If you do end up going to a good school, you will be surrounded by classmates who are equally qualified to be there. The only thing that sets you apart is your passion: how much you want to be at the school, how much you want to pursue your major. Yay cheesiness for the win [:

Okay secondly (?), and I'm really excited about this, my new discovery. So today I went to Barnes and Noble and read The Last Lecture because I'm addicted to Randy Pausch. I have insane respect for this man, and he's something like a hero to me. Anyways, he stressed one thing: achieving your childhood dream. And he did pretty well too. This man had crazy dreams such as being Captain Kirk and writing an article for the World Book, and he achieved every one of them. So I've realized that my childhood is quickly passing--nine more months. It's time for me to create a list of my childhood dreams to achieve in my lifetime at whatever cost. When I'm retired, I want to look back and be proud that I've achieved my childhood dreams. So today I wrote my dreams on notecards and hung them on my wall. I'm going to achieve every one of them. Of course the list is still not done, and I still have nine months to come up with more. But the ones I have on the list have been my dreams for years. So instead of creating new year resolutions, I'm going to create dreams.


My list of dreams:

1. major/minor in math- I've loved math since elementary school and want to study it professionally.

2. Study abroad in Hong Kong- I'm fascinated with this city


3. Love my job- seeing my dad love his job makes me realize that it's not worth my time pursuing a career I don't absolutely love. I want a job, which I'm excited to go to every single day.

4. Ride in a hot air balloon- need I explain?

5. Own my own nonprofit by 30- always been a dream

6. Live in the middle of a city that never sleeps- not alluding to NYC. Although that would be pretty nice [: Basically any city that has a night life.

7. Own an Old English Sheepdog- I've had this dream since I was 8

8. Surround myself with people who dream and challenge me constantly

9. Go to Greece


10. Become an elementary school teacher

I'll be adding more to my list this coming year, but I'm really really excited about this [: Hopefully I'll be able to achieve every single one of these dreams. I want to be like Randy Pausch. He never let brick walls and obstacles stand in his way of achieving his dreams.

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It's the Christmas season! This time is always a time of reflection for me, usually of the past year, but this time it's a reflection of the past decade. So many things have changed since I was a seven year old fobby kid with my winnie-the-pooh backpack. But I'll leave this reflection for the next post, hopefully one that is closer to the new year. Anyways, I've been so entangled with the festivities of the Christmas season, I've forgotten its true meaning. Instead of reflecting on the birth of Christ, I've been obsessed with finding the perfect present for my mom, in other words, caught up with the superficial values of the season. Christmas isn't just another day for us to find a reason to receive presents. And perhaps you're not religious, then Christmas should be a time of thanksgiving and reflecting. Perhaps your way of thanksgiving is through giving presents, and that's okay. Just don't obsess over finding this present and don't be disappointed if you don't receive the present you wanted. Ahhh this is sounding too preachy, not my plan.

Luke 15:11-32
I've been thinking a lot about this parable. For the longest time, I disliked it because it seemed so unfair. For those who knows the parable, it's the parable of the prodigal son. If you don't know about it, read it because my summary wouldn't do it justice. Anyways, so I've been reflecting on this passage, because I believe every part of the Bible is included for a purpose. I understand the father's actions fairly well. He loves his sons, even the lost son who squandered his savings and returned for food and shelter. I also understand the lost son's actions. He returned and repented because he understood that there was no other way for survival. He humbled himself and returned into the family. However, I couldn't understand the action toward the older son, the son who remained at his father's side, devoted and responsible. This son never received the best robes, rings, sandals, or even a fatted calf from his father. It seemed so unfair that the lost son was rewarded for his irresponsible actions while the righteous son received nothing. However, this is the superficial way to view this parable.

In actuality, neither of the sons was righteous, and neither could live without the other. The younger son lives entirely through the grace of the father. It is no doubt that he has wronged his family through his actions, but he was forgiven wholeheartedly by the father, who ran to embrace his lost son. What is the cost of forgiveness? This man has lost half of his inheritance through the wasteful life of his lost son but never dwelt on his forgiveness. And his older brother is his example of becoming righteous and responsible.

The older son never disobeyed, disrespected, or dishonored his father. However, he lacks something his younger brother had: humility and brokenness. He obeyed his father because it was the right thing to do, not because he has a desperate need for his father. It takes brokenness to truly need. Of course, this doesn't mean the older son should run away and squander his savings either. Just that he should learn this humility.

In life, we often do the right thing because it is right. Maybe we're like the older brother, who is self-righteous. Or maybe we're like the younger brother, who takes his family and security for granted. Either way, it's time for some reflection through this Christmas season.

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YES. I felt the need to post at 10:23 PM, way past my bedtime mind you but Shivam has convinced me that sleeping is for the weak. D: Last Thursday night (the night before decisions came out) I couldn't sleep. I woke up at least 5 times during the night, and instead of thinking about the decisions, all I could think about was that Shivam would be really proud of me at this moment for getting only 5 hours of sleep :p Of course I told him the next day and he just laughed.

I've realized more and more that there are certain people in this world I will never accept nor will I respect. Of course, I hold no grudges, but it's just a new thought. A year ago, I would have told you that I'm capable of accepting every person because I believe in the innate good that is in every person. I still haven't discarded this idea but rather have added to it. I've realized that environment has a way of masking the innate good to the point where finding that good is nearly impossible. However, I've only seen this transformation in a few people, and the majority is still innately good. I say this because I see a person who attacks others for his own benefit and to feel superior. It's all attributed to his environment, one in which he's always the center of attention. Often times, this person reminds me of a spoiled child, who never matured. The arrogance is astounding, and perhaps I don't know of his situation, but I know enough to understand that his arrogance and immorality are not simply masks but embody his true self. It really is a shame.

But ironically, in midst of this, the goodness in others shines more apparently in contrast. I see people who stand up to this person and openly express their criticisms without fear of judgment. And wow...how respectable. I can only hope to be one of those people in the future, but that's what this self improvement is for right?

Ahhh my battery's running low so I will post more later!

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YAAAAAAAAAAAY I'm officially a senior now [: The past two days have been surreal and I've jumped around the house so many times that I'm just waiting for it to collapse. Now that I'm in college, my next goal is to GET MY LICENSE! Preferably by February so I don't have to renew my permit. Today, I learned to parallel park! We went to the DMV and there was another car there practicing the course so I watched though that person was a really terrible parallel-parker. =/ I'm still scared of changing lanes but HEY I'm working on it.

My laptop came! It's so pretty and white oooOooOoo! Introducing Mr. Sparklekins!


Tada! I've worked hard to get him. I feel like a little kid who just got a puppy :p So of course I had to play around with it and the first thing I did on my laptop was...*drumroll*...work on my java program! Haha not too exciting, huh?

Tomorrow, we're going caroling during Sunday school. This is my favorite activity of the year [: Not because I'm a good singer (ha ha ha that's laughable), but because I love making the residents smile. Last year I met a lady who was the oldest at the nursing home, and her personality brightened my day. She was really enthusiastic about life in general. So I'm going to put on my Christmas outfit (lots and lots of red :D) and sing like I'm drunk (loud and obnoxious, not that I would know how I sing when I'm drunk...it's just an analogy)

More tomorrow! (If I seem like I'm high, I'm not. :D)

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Today is the first day this week I haven't been busy so I'm going to take the time to post on this blog. I realized this week that there is a desperate need for self improvement, which I have been ignoring thus far, but I am addressing it now. Honesty has always been a problem for me. By that, I don't mean I'm a liar who spread false rumors or steal or cheat or any of that business. I mean that I have not always been true to myself. Sometimes, I live in denial or unable to face the truth. I glaze over my many faults thinking that it isn't a big deal because no one's perfect. For example, I have a problem of judging a person through outward appearances, but have always ignored this simply because I thought that this was done by everyone. Even if that may be true, it isn't an excuse, and I shouldn't use it as such. This week has been a constant evaluation of my every thought/action/word to see if I'm speaking the absolute truth or if I'm lying because it is the "simplest" thing to do in the situation. Granted simplest isn't always best. I may be blunt at times but please understand that it isn't me trying to make you feel like crap for the sake of doing so. I am also posting about this so that you can hold me accountable. If you catch me lying (even if it is telling white lies), please tell me. You're not hurting my feelings. Well, maybe a little but ultimately, the criticisms will help me improve. This week isn't over yet but looking back, I'm proud of the little that I have been able to change. At times, it is extremely frustrating to not improve as greatly as I had hoped. But now, I realize that improving takes more than simply a week and is a constant, neverending process.

In other news, my camera came today! It's orange and beee-utiful!! :D Like a true blogger, I will now carry my camera around and take pictures.

College apps are also quickly consuming my life. I have decided not to apply to Brown anymore. The reason is: I saw the essay prompt and it was about why I wanted to attend. Then, I realized that I don't want to go there. Why did I consider it? Because it's a good school. Because I want to be able to say I got in. (If I get in that is) But then I realized how dumb those reasons were. I don't want to be there. I want to be at a school where I will be happy. I think we often forget this factor because other people's opinions make our decisions for us. Why do we apply to schools like Harvard, Princeton, Yale, Stanford? Do we really want to go? Or do we want to go just so we can tell people we have the ability to get in? I do admit I'm guilty of this. I'm applying to several schools I know nothing about, but because they have nice names, I'm applying. I need to start practicing what I preach (as cliche as that saying is) and so I'm going to start withdrawing some of my applications. Many of you are probably thinking "but isn't that why you applied to Wharton, the best business school in the world?" Actually, that isn't the reason I'm applying. Why do I want to go to Wharton? Not for the title but for the classes. At Wharton, you can take classes where the main purpose is to construct service projects to serve the Philadelphia area. Example: Management 100. How amazing is that? THAT is the reason I want to go. Well anyways, it's time to get some work done. Decisions come out tomorrow so I will keep everyone posted [:

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Eeeep I haven't posted in a while. Happy Advent!

Well, yesterday was the CalU tournament and it was so much fun [: I love love love my extemp family! I'm really going to miss them next year ): We're also thinking of having a Christmas/filing party. :p Super nerdy I know but it calls for bonding time [: It also snowed yesterday! I consider it the first snow since the one over Thanksgiving break doesn't really count because the snow didn't collect. I tried to get people to have a snowball fight with me but no one wanted to ): Booo...but I did end up throwing a snowball at Thomas :p On the way home we saw a bunch of car accidents because the roads were super icy D: It was really sad because one car completely flipped over and the mom and little kid was standing by the car looking at it.

Today, I went to church and since there weren't a lot of YF kids, we decided to join the college bible study. We also ended up caroling which is always super fun. I realized today that college boys are pretty immature xD They still act like little kids. But it was fun.

5 more days! AHHH

Yesterday's devotion was pretty interesting. I'm still working my way through 1 Corinthians and came upon a passage on love. It was pretty appropriate seeing as it is the advent season. I want to share several verses with you guys.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

If you're like me, you probably have trouble loving unconditionally. Imagine those in your life you love, whether it is family, friends, or a significant other. Now read those verses and see if those descriptions of love apply to your relationship. I know they definitely don't. My biggest problem is keeping record of wrongs. It's hard for me to forgive and forget (I suppose I'm like Mr. Caruso in that way). 25 days until the new year! It's never too late to start thinking about resolutions. [:

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My name is Connie
I'm currently a Senior
This is a piece of my life. [:

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