I'm rather idealistic. I want to be the one to take on the world and improve humanity on my own. Yesterday while watching Avatar, I reached an epiphany. These don't happen often so I feel the need to share [: Anyways, I won't recap the movie in case any of you haven't watched it. However, there is a phrase in it that was especially eye-opening. The leading commander was speaking to his men and said "we will fight terror with terror." At that moment, I realized the allegorical element behind the movie. My interpretation is that the movie pertains to 21st century violence/war. Take the war in the middle east for example. How many of us are convinced that our efforts there are improving the living situations of the citizens? Take Afghanistan for example. We assume that our work there is not only improving the security of the U.S. but also the lives of the Afghani people. However, we fail to recognize their culture/religion and oftentimes ignore these values because OUR way is the "best". We use drones and modern warfare tactics that often hurt more innocent civilians than terrorists. We are indeed fighting terror with terror. Our method is to scare the terrorists with our deadly technology and superior intelligence. Through it all, we fail to recognize the side effects--the bystanders who die, the children who are scarred, the culture that is ruined. Our selfish need to provide safety to our country and prove our power is blinding us from the terror we are instilling. How many of us truly know the implications of forcing "help" on another culture? Because we don't see the scars, we turn a blind eye to the tactics. After the movie, I realized that I am just like one of them. I turn a blind eye and justify it with the reasoning that I'm not capable of changing the situation. I'm just one person. Politics and bureaucracy govern this country. If every person thought this way, would the terror ever stop? Perhaps it is time to step outside of our selfish cage, where we worry about the trivial issues. I'm guilty. When placed on a greater scale, my worries cannot compare. Imagine the time spent every day thinking and worrying about daily activities or situations. If that time was spent on improving humanity (idealistic I know), perhaps we will open our eyes. So maybe it's a little late to make a resolution, but I will anyways. My resolution is to focus on bettering humanity and disregarding the superficial.

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Favorite Quotations! (From Pooh bear)

"If ever there is tomorrow when we’re not together.. there is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we’re apart.. I’ll always be with you."

"If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you."

"Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness; however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo."

"If there ever comes a day when we can't be together keep me in your heart, I'll stay there forever."

"Some people care too much, I think it's called love."

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I know I know. Miley Cyrus isn't good at singing BUT I like her and her lyrics. So she's the title to my post. Anyways, its lyrics fit the situation pretty well. There have been several roadblocks to my dreams since I last blogged. One easy to overcome, the other not so much.

Roadblock 1: double majoring in Math
At penn, wharton students are not allowed to double major in Math because of the work it requires. It will require precise planning and a lot of hard work because most wharton classes do not overlap with math classes so you can't use one class to fulfill both requirements. But I found a student who has a friend who is doing that, and hopefully I'll be able to do it as well. [: However, this requires that I take all of my AP tests this year and get 5's so I can get credits to fulfill some classes and make room for my math major classes. I just need to plan very well...

Roadblock 2: achieving my dreams without parents?
The other day, I had an in-depth conversation with Cindy. I wanted to tell her my realizations with achieving dreams in hope that she'll see it too. It may be one of the best realizations I have ever had, and it makes me unbelievably happy. So I began talking to her honestly about the reason why she wanted to go into medicine. Anyways, I won't go too into detail here. But at the end of the conversation, she realized that she has always wanted to pursue fashion designing. She also decided that she wanted to buy a sewing machine (average $300?) this summer and learn to make clothes. The next day, she approached my mom about it because she's wary to spend so much without consulting her. Then, on the ride home from forensics practice, my mom yelled at me for "brainwashing" Cindy. She then told me that my dreams were ridiculous and idealistic, and she fully believed that money is a necessity to living a comfortable life. Perhaps it is, but I told her that I didn't want to work for the sole purpose of earning money. She then proceeded to criticize my dreams (so much fun...) and basically told me her opinions of my dreams. But instead, she tried to push those opinions on me. She is convinced that I would not be happy working as an elementary school teacher and wasting my Wharton education. However, she failed to see things from my perspective but rather decided that I wouldn't be happy because she wouldn't be happy teaching. Then, she told me that I'm narrow-minded for rethinking my goals based on a book. Her opinion is that I'm not going to be making a lot of money as it is because apparently the only way to make money is to start a business (which I'm not doing). Then, she basically implies that since I'm not going to be making a lot of money, I should pursue the career that will make the most money in my range even if I hate the job. However, I'm pretty stubborn so the conversation ended with her getting even more mad at me after seeing that I'm not listening to her. Yes, I cried. But it's difficult to have the people, who you thought would support you in any endeavor, hinder you. Especially your parents. I've always thought that they would support me even if I chose to become a teacher. After all, they were the ones who were trying to convince Cindy not to go to med school because of the pressure and stress. But I realized that the reason they didn't want her to have to go to med school is because her being an engineer is still going to make money. However, apparently I've fallen too far and they see the need to intervene. It is unbelievably hard to discover that. But brick walls are there to see how much you want something right? Even if those brick walls just happen to be people whom you thought you could count on...

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God always provides. He never fails. Right now, I really need guidance and encouragement as I go through this period of self-reflection and improvement. And he provides people to do just that. Tonight has been such an eye-opening and extremely gratifying experience for me. Thanks to all of you who have helped me [: I think this is a sign that God will be here through this year and I will always put my trust in him. It's not always easy to remember, but it's incredibly helpful and comforting. Perhaps I'll blog more in depth about this later.

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My name is Connie
I'm currently a Senior
This is a piece of my life. [:

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